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POETRY

 

Dead from the inside

 I scream, I bellow, I yank, I bite, I shove, I squeeze, all in a bid to flee. But no, he is stronger! He pulls, he tears, he straddles. Alas, he wins! I lay there helpless, my heart sinking and sinking into this never-ending pit that he digs in my soul. Hot tears like molten lava flow out gently moving sideways, just like the lulling gentle waves of the ocean; only this time, they are tears of pain, hurt, and helplessness. He gets it over with, looks me in the face with a sneer, spits on me, and walks away. I can't move, I can't feel my body; I can see my soul hanging on the wall soaked in blood. I think I cry for help; I don't know. My brain is in shock mode! I can process nothing.

Then I see it. Blood! My blood! Oh, my blood!" I sob quietly, with no strength to scream. Mama must have heard me because I awaken to her soothing voice in a moving box; a bus, I guess. My thoughts are all muddled. I am in the hospital for help, for redemption, for some saving. The nurse treats me like I'm dirt, like soiled goods. Everyone looks at me with disdain written all over them, I hear the whispers. I see how the others look at me. At this point, I feel ruined. I look at mama and say in a shaky voice, "He won! My molester won. I want to die!"

Mama says if I die, I let the monster win. I don't think I understand her. The second her eyes left me, Igo ahead to slash my wrist with the 'bread knife' on the table by my hospital bed. I watch as my blood flows and I'm relieved. But fate has other plans for me. I hear mama's voice like she is an eternity away. she screams. I feel hands on my body, I see white movement and then 'blessed nothing'.

(To be continued)

Written by Amazingme

https://www.podbean.com/ea/pb-fnjnm-1233b6c

HANG ON TO HOPE